Below are my sacred rules of Beard Club. Please do not distribute this.
Rules of Beard Club
1. You do not talk about having a beard.
2. You do NOT talk about having a beard.
3. If someone cannot grow a beard, you do NOT rub it in their child-like, feminine face.
4. You do not smile at strangers, otherwise they will not fear you.
5. You do not itch your beard in public.
6. Do not look into the eyes of a man with a superior beard. Respect his majesty.
7. You cannot mention your beard on your resume. That would be unfair.
8. If you are homeless, your beard does not count.
9. You must master crazy eyes. You will need them.
10. Do not complain about no beard emojis. Beards have no emotion.
11. If someone tells you to shave, see rule #9.
12. If someone tries to sabotage your beard, you have every legal right to vaporize them.